Cape Epic - Stage Two

Date: 22 March 2010
Start/Finish: Ceres
Distance: 90km
Climbing: 1625m

Just like Stage One - Stage Two promised to be a bit of a killer. We were going to be riding the holy grail of mountain biking - single track, and lots of it. However, like life in general, Dr Evil believes you have to earn the rewards, and so before we got to enjoy the fast technical single track, we would be made to suffer for several hours as we climbed relentlessly up.

Day Two underway 

The Apprentice and I had agreed on a new strategy - we were going to ride conservatively at first, and then see what happened. We believed that the melt down from the previous day was a once off thing (we are definitely a glass half full kind of team!). The first hour of racing (from now on I shall use riding - we weren't really racing) passed us by in a cloud of dust and patch after patch of loose sand as we headed off in the direction of the mountains. So far, so good - the Apprentice was quite perky, the pace was good, my morning banana went down well. And then we hit the single track.

Look at that view

This wasn't the beautifully flowing, mountain biking utopia kind of single track. This was the tax we had to pay - technical uphill single track. Nothing kills the legs (possibly with the exception of sand) quite like uphill single track. And to make it worse, it felt like we were riding around in circles - we could see where we had to go, yet we were going in the opposite direction, which doesn't do much for the morale. The Apprentice and I had agreed that we would ride/walk our own pace up the hills. This gave me a bit of time to stop and appreciate the view which was quite spectacular, to chat with the other riders, and very importantly, to rest.

Up, up, up

Before long, we had made it to the top of the first loop of single track, and some fast technical single track awaited to take us to the first water point. We did have a problem though - the Apprentice doesn't have any mountain biking skills, and was going to have to learn quite quickly if he wanted to get to the bottom of the mountain in one piece. And learn he did. Before long, we were catching and passing real mountain bikers, and I think I even caught the Apprentice smiling. He is a quick learner.

We grabbed some drinks and snacks at the water point - the Apprentice discovered the Woolworths Rice Cakes. I had to use all my powers of persuasion to get him back on the bike - he was attempting to eat ALL the rice cakes he could lay his hands on. We eventually got going again on the second loop of the day that would take us up and over a mountain, and then back around it, returning to the very water point where the Apprentice was currently feeding. Talk about motivation. The next couple of hours were filled with lots of pain and suffering as we slowly inched our way up the mountain through a combination of riding and walking. The Apprentice really doesn't like going up hill at all. I have submitted a proposal to the Jersey Government that they investigate the idea of importing a hill or two to better prepare their athletes when competing against the rest of the non-flat world. I am awaiting their reply.

DayTripper Edwards with Support Crew Betts

The great thing about the Epic is that no matter how tough you are finding it, you don't have to look very far to find someone who is suffering a little bit more. I think the Apprentice was that someone today. With the temperatures rising, so did the intra-team tension, and I witnessed several riders suffering from sense of humor failure. One rider was particularly annoyed when his partner who had been waiting at the top of a hill for several minutes whipped out a camera and proceeded make a video of him while asking such questions as "Are you having fun yet?", and "What took you so long?". Since this is a family blog, I cannot write his reply, except to say that it contained several four letter words, and a suggestion about someone's mother.

We got a pleasant surprise when my partner from the last two years, Craig, disguised as a DayTripper, caught us as we finally started to go downhill. We put his fresh legs to good use as he gave the Apprentice a good push as we approached the beginning of our reward - the single track. It was like old times - Craig was on the front, and I was right on his wheel as we flew down the technical single track, the Apprentice not too far behind as he grew in confidence. We caught and passed so many riders - this clearly wasn't going to be an Epic for people that couldn't mountain bike, and where we were in the field, there were lots of people like that.

DayTripper Edwards had fun

After an exhilarating descent, we found ourselves back at the water point we had last seen 3 hours ago. My Dad was waiting in the baking heat, cheering us on. I think the Apprentice thought he was cheering on his rice cake eating world record attempt. Woolworths will make a loss this year, stay away from their shares. Freshly fed and watered, the three of us headed off for what we thought would be a quick 30kms back into town. How wrong we were. Dr Evil had us messing around as we rode in circles up, down and around any little piece of single track that he could find. I had given a quick estimate to my father that we would be back in town in about 90 minutes, yet after 90 minutes we were back at the same water point, with 15kms to go!

The twist turny sandy bit near the finish

The Apprentice was starting to fade, the Dr Evil inspired pointless single track detour sapping his concentration and will to live, so much so that he successfully managed to ride over himself. Perhaps the Apprentice was becoming the Master, as this requires considerable skill. I am still not sure how he did it, but he got the tyre marks all over his kit to prove it.

Sixteen kilometers and an hour and a half later we were back at the same water point for the third time. By now, the Apprentice had had enough. I was suffering quite badly from White Line Fever, and so for the next 15kms tried to push and pull the Apprentice as much as I could. My plans were foiled once again by Dr Evil and his insane love of inflicting both physical and mental anguish on cyclists when we encountered patch after patch of soft sand. Nothing destroys morale quite like sand. We limped on, slowly inching toward the finish line, through one of the less glamorous neighbourhoods of Ceres - in fact, I think it was the rubbish dump of one of the less glamorous neighbourhoods. Not a great impression to leave after what had been quite a scenic day's riding.

The Apprentice, with me close behind

We had the same approach to the finish line as the previous day, and I had quietly warned the Apprentice that we would be riding it all - no walking was allowed, and to his credit, we rode it all the way, finally crossing the finish line.

As tough as the stage was, the massage was tougher, and by now a crowd would gather to watch the Apprentice squirm and writhe in pain as his aching muscles where prodded and poked. Quite a good laugh actually.

STG 2

252. Cat 375. GC 7:40.48,9

Overall: 15:36.15,1

Cape Epic - Stage One

Date: 21 March 2010
Start/Finish: Diemersfontein to Ceres
Distance: 117km
Climbing: 2190m

For the second year running, the Epic started in my backyard (I have a very big back yard, and Wellington is right on the edge, near the fence). Our first destination - Ceres. As far as first stages go, this one was going to be a toughie. Not because there were any serious climbs, but just the length, the heat and the terrain.

The Roadie and I

The Roadie and I got to the start line with plenty of time to spare, and found ourselves two thirds of the way down in the start chute. We weren't worried, we were going to take it easy and have a good time. It was here that we met our first nemesis - the Girl in Pink (and her partner, the Guy in Pink). Normally, I wouldn't bat an eyelid - these riders usually don't make good nemesis material, but with the Roadie fresh from a bender and on a mountain bike every rider was a threat.

The massive start chute

At 9am the 2010 Cape Epic got underway, and about 5 minutes later so did we. We had discussed our strategy several times, and the it was a simple one. I would follow the Roadie, and he in turn would ride conservatively. In that first hour I got quite worried about my levels of fitness - I was having to work hard (again - why to all my partners insist on riding like the clappers in the first hour). Thankfully, I was able to make up ground and rest a little on the downhills - the Roadie is absolutely useless when it comes to technical descents. On one such descent, with only one ridable line I heard this racket behind me and naturally assumed it was some hardcore downhiller having some fun riding off line through all the rocks and ruts. Imagine my surprise when the Roadie came screaming past me in what can only be called a crash in slow motion. There was no way he had any say in where the bike was going. He was a passenger riding over every obstacle in his way. Crude, but quite an effective way to get down a hill. I was to see this technique repeated over and over gone throughout the course of the Epic.

After messing around in the vineyards of Wellington, we finally made the climb up to Bain's Kloof Pass and the Roadies hallowed turf - tar. A quick stop at the water point for some snacks and juice and we were off. Once again I was having to bust a lung to keep up. We made good progress on the tar, and passed several groups of riders on the descent. What a great pass to ride. I have been threatening for years and years to ride Bain's Kloof Pass on my bike, and having total road closure made it even better.

At the bottom of the pass we made a sharp left onto a gravel farm road, heading away from Ceres. It was on this stretch that the Roadie encountered his kryptonite - sand. We had also been going for roughly 3 hours which seemed to be the Roadie's limit. The wheels began to fall off, and we had to drop out of the group we were riding with. We settled into a new tempo, and eventually, after several more sandy sections, made it to the next water point. My Dad and Yolanda were there cheering us on. The support, snacks and juice gave the Roadie a bit of a lift, but 500m later the wheels fell off completely.

First water point

It seemed that the flat island dwelling Roadie had another weakness - hills. We limped up the climb, feeling the full intensity of the Cape sun baking down on us. Slowly but surely, for the first time that day, riders started to pass us. A trickle at first, but by the time we got to the top of the climb it was a steady flow. The Roadie's legs were quivering as the cramps set in, and every rise became a major obstacle. The cricket players passed us, followed by the rugby players, and then the pretty boy, and finally, the coach.

The Roadie struggled on, pedal stroke by pedal stroke, gritting his teeth and groaning under his breath (much like Julian's moan). Just as it looked like he was coming right, Dr Evil played his trump card, and chucked in 7kms of railway line. The first kilometer went ok, and we caught a couple of the riders that had passed us. We hooked onto the back of a "train" of riders for a few minutes before the Roadie popped. I think it was the sight of the Girl in Pink on the front driving the train and riding away from the guys that did it for the Roadie. The remainder of the 6kms were spent either walking or riding slowly. Nothing I said would get the Roadie motivated to ride, and I had visions of us missing the cut off. Until the Roadie spotted a photographer. He was on his bike in a flash, game face on, and rode the 50m past the photographer like a Paris-Roubaix champ! If only I could have organised photographers all along the railway line at 50m intervals...

Not sure who is happier

We finally emerged from the railway track, bodies battered, legs aching, moral destroyed. I helped the Roadie over the last small hill of the day (on tar), down the other side and to the finish. Just to make sure the Roadie was completely destroyed, Dr Evil had thrown in some more sand in the lead up to the finish line. I was worried that we might end up walking over the finish line. But we didn't. We had survived, only just.

Still looks better than the tent accommodation

If the Roadie thought the pain and suffering was over for the day, he was in for a special surprise - Stage 1 had been the warm up. The real torture awaited in the form of the massage. Funny for his partner and other spectators, excruciatingly painful for him.

STG 1 227. Cat
           341. GC
           7:55.26,2

Cape Epic - Stage Eight

I awoke with great trepidation this morning - was today going to be the day that the tourist finally dished out the pain. I have been waiting all week and thankfully the threat of pain and suffering hasn't materialized. In addition, I have yet to have a good final stage of the Epic.

The tourist (also affectionately known to the support crew as the whining pom) put in a great effort today and dug very deep into his suitcase of suffering to finish the last stage of the 2010 Cape Epic in style. Well done Russ.

238th for the stage and 261st overall.

Cape Epic - Stage Seven

I suspect Russell was sabotaged in the night with his real legs being replaced by tree stumps. Thinking about it now, there were other signs that something was amiss. His repeated swearing at Dr. Evil had grown quiet and he wasn't even making his guttural throat clearing sound.

Maybe it was aliens or body snatchers. That pain in his bum could well been from a rectal probe. My investigationRr continues. I shall bribe it with cheap wine and see how it responds.

Cape Epic - Stage Six

This was a stage that promised to be quite a tough one on paper, but dare I say it - Dr Evil has a heart and was uncharacteristically kind to us. Russell had a god day - he is getting stronger with every day and soon will have me in pain. And he rides single track like a demon.

We finished well in the top half of the field, beating the coach, the rugby player and the soccer player, but losing out to the pretty boy by 2 places. 207 on GC.

Cape Epic - Stage Five

Captain's log, Star date 63696.4.

The little one showed great heart today in overcoming the obstacles before him. Our mission was to conserve energy and observe the opposition from afar, never to engage. However, due to unforseen circumstances, we entered hostile territory and were forced to defend The Federation's honor. We suffered minor casualties, but the victory was ours.

We placed 247th, and gained promotion to the D group.

Cape Epic - Stage Four

Team manager and spokesperson Yolanda had this to say: "It was a solid performance today. They got a lot of go forward early on. They were solid on defense, attacked well and did well in the loose. They conceded a bit towards the end, but I'm very happy with their performance."

245th place.